She watched him from the window of her dining room. The lake was calm on that summer night. She had been standing there at least 30 minutes since he had walked out to the pier to sit on the dock and watch the sun methodically descend into the water. She had grown accustomed to the sight of him lounging peacefully in his chair. Bundled just enough to keep the brisk summer breeze that rose from the water, come evening, off his normal t-shirt clad chest.
She loved him. There was no mistake in her heart how much she loved him. And he stilled professed his love for her, daily. But she couldn’t ignore the change between them. Had he grown too comfortable with her? Was she no longer stimulating to him? Had her fire slowly dimmed to a smoldering ember that no longer warmed his soul? Or was she the one who had changed?
He seems content looking out over the water. Was contentment the same as happiness? she asked herself.
She wondered if she had it in her heart to endure a long-term relationship. They all seemed so easy in the beginning. Getting to know each other. His attention to her words, thoughts, even how she moved. His addiction to her voice and his images of them walking together forever in so many different circumstances, cultures and places. She saw it all play out in her head as he would describe each scene. Whether vanilla or deviant they all had her right there with him in their lives together. But lately, the closeness, the connection seemed to change. He seemed distracted, loving but yet distracted.
As she watched him watching the horizon change a slow burn started in her heart and moved down between her legs. Her hand unconsciously found the warmth of her bare cunt beneath her sundress. Her heartbeat increased as she thought of his mouth and cock and how he had used them just that morning. A pain went through the muscles in her pelvis as she remembered his touch. Had it changed or had she stopped trusting him? The heat and intensity were different. The rawness and hunger now a four where she still craved a blown out ten. Was he enough for her? she asked herself. When they did fight it was over that…him not feeling enough. Had he planted that seed or had the tree already been rooted there in her soul?
She wanted what they had agreed would be their life. Unconventional, far and foreign from society’s rules. She believed it would all come to pass. He seemed lately content with the dream.
What if the dream isn’t enough for me? she wondered. Even thinking that thought she knew the answer. It wouldn’t be. She had always wanted more and was on her way to live it when they met. The thought of living her dream with him was glorious. Yes, she loved him with all that was in her and at the same time she couldn’t shake the dread that was seeping into her soul. A dread that her life had come to a standstill. A dread that possibly she would have to choose between him and her long sought out desires.
Was he thinking the same as he sat in that chair watching the light of day fade?
She opened the sliding glass door and walked out to join him. He shuffled around in his seat, turned and smiled as she approached him. He reached his hand out to her and she grabbed it as she did every night and stood behind him as the sun slowly vanished from sight. He laced his fingers into hers and squeezed, pressing their palms together. “I love you,” he said quietly still staring out over the lake.
“I love you too,” she responded. Fuck how I love you…. she thought as her heart burned for him and battled with the nagging dread that in reality, they possibly wanted different paths. It was a cutting pain in her core.
As she pressed her hand to his she knew if this was his contentment, it would never be enough. She wondered if he could feel her heart breaking…..