Emotional baggage. We all have it to some degree. And some even acquire it while in the womb. A single mother feels worried about providing; another mother finds herself in a violent relationship and is full of fear; another feels disconnected from a child she feels obligated to carry and that child is born with the emotional baggage of abandonment. Many things can be taken in and stored in the body, even then. Once born, life comes with all its opportunities to give us more challenges. This is how we grow, develop, learn.
Most emotional baggage can be worked out through different relationships and situations as you go through life if you’re paying attention and have the benefit of wise counsel. You hopefully learn how to release those pesky intruding gifts living inside your very cells hibernating, just waiting for a flare up!
You may also fool yourself into thinking your heart is solid because life has been calm for a while. You’ve found peace and you’ve managed to walk away easily from short-term relationships that in hindsight you chose for that very fact. You knew they would be short term. Which subconsciously equaled ‘no great emotional cost’ on your behalf. Not even tears came into play. In fact, you may have thought you had forgotten how to cry because it’d been so long since your heart was that open and vulnerable.
Then one comes along that you foolishly think is just another short-term to enjoy…but he unknowingly betrays you.
He instinctively knows and loves your soul. Some god awful gift of intuition, angel or spirit let him into the secret passageways of your heart and damn it if he doesn’t know just what to say and act to open locked and long forgotten doors. You remind yourself you’ve been asking for this. That somewhere deep in your heart, you’ve been yearning for this. But in the asking, you had forgotten the pain of past betrayals and violations and damn if those fucking things don’t raise their head without any permission from you.
You see something, hear something that rushes past that baggage and stirs up those old emotions in its wake and now words are flooding your heart… “This is only a game, he’s lying, don’t be fooled again, you don’t need this pain…” and on it goes. And instead of shutting it down, recognizing who is speaking, you give it a place in your soul. You open your mouth…and the damage is done.
You then find that the pain of loving them, seeing them emotionally struggle because of you, makes you want to walk away because your emotional baggage may be too much. That their pain over yours is difficult for you to bare and you’d rather hurt in the familiarness of your own sorrow than see them suffer at your hand.
So you choose to walk away. To save them from the work you now know must be done. That emotional baggage that must be discovered and released from the depth of your cells.
Even so… there lies that voice inside your heart that pleads to the one you love… “Say you won’t let go.”