Dec 05 2013

Silencing Their Demons….


The picture…the quote…all of it grabs at me! This to me is the D/s relationship I thrive on! There were many aspects to NB and my relationship, but the greatest joy was in staring down his demons. He walked most of his life living in a secret. Outwardly showing the world the bigger than life alpha male and being very successful at it, while in solitary moments being tormented by the demons that would shout out his lies and folly. The few times he tried to explain to a love one his struggles and deep desires he was ridiculed, mocked and sent to a therapist to get ‘fixed’.  Then our paths crossed.He immediately felt relaxed and like a thirsty dying man finding an oasis, he settled in my presence and slowly poured out his grief. As each tormenting spirit would raise it’s head thinking to meet with the past ridicule, he found understanding, compassion, acceptance and love. Silencing the voices he had grown to know so well. Those demons feared me and he found peace in my presence. Alas, in the end, we alone choose what voices we give power to and today I’m not sure what he hears. But I do miss being his source of peace.

As I journey on my own path, I take with me many lessons forged in that relationship and will carry those priceless gems into the next. I’ll always remember the beauty of his heartfelt submission. The look of ultimate surrender with just a touch of my hand, a look in my eyes or the sound of my name upon his lips. And for that beautiful moment, the silencing of his demons.



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  1. Movingly put, but perhaps more importantly, right on the money.

    'Masculinity' and the myth of the Alpha-male are social constructs that many men fit in with at the expense of their emotional well-being. What passes for 'masculinity' is all too often an elaborate false-self system that causes acute emotional distress. Men perform the part because the price of non-conformity is high, but, as you rightly point out, the inner self suffers and bleeds.

    Surrender to a caring dominant woman who accepts and loves the inner submissive man is a way of healing both. It can sometimes, and should always represent the subversion of a patriarchy that oppresses women, for sure, but whose dirty little secret is that it also tyrannises men.

    1. Thank you so much. Your comments and insight are always welcome!

      ~ Vista

  2. Beautiful… you made me cry. I hope he continues to find peace from the demons and I hope you find that precious moment with another


    1. Dear Molly, Your observations and comments are always deeply appreciated. I'm so please that this touched you. Interestingly enough I met someone a few weeks ago who may potentially fill that void that NB left inside me. He's so incredibly yummy, so taken with me and seems to be meeting a lot of what I look for. A tall list that most can't fulfill. We shall see as days go by how real and solid the connection is.

      ~ Vista

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